The Abyss Inside My Heart
by Lady of the Void
Summary: RizaEnvy Royai Riza gets captured and tortured by Envy. Will Roy negotiate with the enemy to set her free and sacrifice himself or the lives of others? Will Riza ever get the chance to tell Roy how she really feels or will it be too late?
1. Capture

Disclaimer: If I owned FMA, I could actually afford all the manga and anime I want. But sadly I do not, so it's no use suing me. I'm poor.

A/N: I am proud to present a newly revised first chapter. The other chapters will soon meet the same fate.

Warning: Spoilers for episode 25

When Riza Hawkeye regained consciousness, her first thought was, "How could I have been so careless?" She found herself handcuffed to a chair placed in the center of an ice cold room. Her day had started out simple enough, with a simple mission. How it had taken such a bad turn was beyond her. Mustang and company were sent to rescue Dr. Marcoh from the Isbalan rebels that had supposedly taken him hostage. A simple mission it was, and yet some strange feeling had pervaded the whole encounter. The anonymous tip was more than a little suspicious, and she was conscious of how it set the Colonel on edge. She was apprehensive as well; it had been days since Marcoh went missing. Somehow the rebels' story wasn't as plausible as it ought to have been.

Armstrong had led the party through the dank sewer system with relative ease. Riza thought it was funny that a man of that size could maneuver so well in the closed surroundings. Yet the smaller the tunnel was, the easier he could move about. It defied logic and physics, but was at the same time hilarious to witness. She had followed directly behind Roy, to watch his back like always. She knew that he was more than capable of defending everything within his eyesight. But there was something unsettling to her in his broad open back. So she had made the choice to trail the party, with her ever-vigilant finger against the trigger.

And then something had violently grabbed her shoulders. She had screamed involuntarily as she was pulled backwards into the arms of none other than the homunculus Envy, in his usual androgynous form. The entire group turned in horror, just in time to see Envy place a hand (that had now become a blade) against her fragile throat. Riza forced herself to stop screaming because of the proximity of the blade. A trick Fullmetal had often used to get out of tricky situations had apparently adapted itself into Envy's usual repertoire of weaponry.

"Roy Mustang, I will now take the one thing that you love. I plan to exploit her as I see fit until we come to a truce. The homunculi require your assistance in alchemy." Envy smiled a toothy grin, and it seemed that his mouth was full of razorblades rather then actual teeth. Roy visibly struggled to keep hold of the calm control he was infamous for. He had not prepared himself for the situation and hurriedly tried to piece together his thoughts. "What if I don't agree to help you? What if I decide to burn you to a crisp instead?" Envy laughed, but there was no joy in this cruel sound, only the veiled hint of sadism that turned the group's veins to ice. Roy wanted to burn the amusement off his face. "Well, I can think of a few better uses for your girlfriend than as meat shield, but suit yourself. You have 24 hours to make your choice. Come to the phone booth you lost your dear friend in and someone will meet you with instructions. The sooner the better I would think; I can barely reign in my self-control when I'm just holding her like this." Envy lewdly stared at Riza's clothed chest and winked. With a blur of speed he was gone, leaving Roy horrified and for the first time in his military life, completely alone. Envy had placed pressure on the base of Riza's neck, and she blacked out so that the location of the lair of the homunculi was still a mystery to the mortals of the world.

And now, here Riza was, helpless and humiliated. It was her fault Roy was at the end of an ultimatum he could not hope to win. Her error in judgment was responsible for the current situation, and the weight of that knowledge sat heavily upon her. She immediately assumed Envy wouldn't play fair and that she would be discarded after her usefulness to this ruthless game had ended. "What a bleak thought. I should be more hopeful." She hadn't realized that she had spoken her thoughts out loud. And for some reason, she felt cold. She shivered. Riza couldn't understand why; she had been so lost in her own thoughts that she hadn't realized… She looked down to see a sight most horrifying: she was only wearing her utilitarian tan bra and basic tan bikini cut underwear.

"Well, it could be worse. I'm glad I'm too sensible to wear a thong. That's the kind of optimism I need," she thought sarcastically.

She wriggled her slender wrists, testing the limits of her metal handcuffs. She judged them too snug to slip out of. Apparently, Envy was an expert at restraints. She shivered at the implication. It seemed that things did not bode well for her. She stared at her unfriendly surrounding and took in the layout of the room. Directly in front of her metal chair was a dark mahogany bed with hunter green sheets.

"So this is where that creature sleeps. There's something about that bed that is unsettling," she thought glumly.

Suddenly, she heard the creak of oddly familiar footsteps on the black stone ground. From her vantage point, a familiar body appeared.

"Roy!" Riza incredulously screeched. The Colonel put a finger to her lips. "Shhhhh…c'mon I've come to get you out of here." For once maybe the situation wasn't so bleak, Riza hoped. Mustang deftly undid her handcuffs and helped her to her feet. Riza smiled at him, it was a smile of pure joy, like that of a child receiving a piece of candy; this fortunate turn of events had delivered her into the arms of her commanding officer. But honestly, Riza realized that Mustang was not her boyfriend, that they hadn't gone out on a single date. Hawkeye was his most helpful co-worker and friend, helping him cope with grief after Hughes had been murdered. She had been his support for many years, but recently she had been weakening; her charade of platonic friendship was fading fast. She didn't know how long she could continue to work under him before it would just be too much.

Sure, Envy had called her "the one thing that Roy loves," but she knew that Roy had never seen her in that light. But to have him rescue her from the clutches of that maniac (in her underwear no less) was enough to emotionally exhaust her. She hugged the Colonel as if he was the only thing holding her to reality, and maybe he was. Maybe the anxiety had affected her more than she had previously thought. "It's alright Riza. You're safe." Something about those words unsettled her. Something was knawing at her insides screaming, "This isn't right!" And then she realized it.

Faster than a bullet train, she grabbed Mustang's gun from its holster on his waist and fired six bullets, one after the other, straight into his heart. He fell backward, bleeding and laughing. His laughter was a sharp, clipped sound. "So what gave it away?" The figure that was once Roy had now resurfaced into Envy. Envy grabbed Riza's throat and started dragging her up violently against one of the walls of dark stone. "The real Roy would never call me Riza," Hawkeye choked out.


	2. Deception

Disclaimer: Full Metal Alchemist is a great and noble enterprise. Maybe that is why I own none of it.

A/N: Now revised and edited. The rest of the series will soon follow!

The gun clattered noisily to the floor. Riza had dropped it without hesitation. It felt very strange to her that she might ever have needed to drop a gun, but the damage the creature sustained was practically nothing. She had figured that it would not help her against this homunculus. That and she had other things on her mind. Envy didn't even need the handcuffs to restrain her; his own brute strength was more than enough. She clawed feebly at Envy's hands until he finally let go, allowing her to fall hard against the wall. She slumped over soundlessly, trying very hard to mentally regroup. Envy smiled expertly and without a word transformed into Fuhrer King Bradley, in all his uniformed glory. Riza looked up, a little unnerved at what his ultimate purpose could be.

The Fuhrer took two steps closer to Riza, closing in and destroying the space between them. He lifted her up by her underarms and threw her across the room. Her back slammed into the headboard of the mahogany bed. She screamed out in pure agony. To Riza's horror, she heard the unnerving crack of her back snapping back into place after she landed. She slid down onto the bed in utter anguish, her back writhing against the sheets. Envy, still impersonating the Fuhrer, stalked over to her, his eyes wide with unrestricted lust. Riza told herself to be strong.

"I just have to concentrate at the situation at hand. If I can somehow run him through with something sharp, that would set him back for a few minutes. Then maybe I could find a way out of here," she thought, using all her battle training to ignore the excruciating pain the ruthlessly pounded against her back.

But before she could set any of this into action, she felt the Fuhrer's simulated body on top of her. He pulled her head upwards into an uncomfortable angle. She winced at the extra pressure on her neck and at the proximity of her attacker. "What's the matter Riza? I thought you like to get pleasure from men in power?" Her eyes went wide and she struggled beneath him. He pulled her into a bruising and dominating kiss. She did everything in her power to drive him off: she bit his tongue, tried to close her mouth, and did her best to shove him off of her. He just seemed more excited by her unfailingly resistant behavior. She was so preoccupied in keeping him from enjoying her mouth that she didn't notice when her grabbed her left leg with both hands, until he twisted. She screamed into his mouth, which was just what he was waiting for. "You are so beautiful when you scream," he breathed, just loud enough for her to hear. She shuddered. Her leg throbbed mercilessly; it was more than likely broken in more than one place.

"How far can a bird fly without its wing?" Envy taunted, relenting his assault on her battered limbs. He moved off the bed and slunk over to the metal chair. He unhooked the pair of handcuffs from the chair. " A lot less than it can in if it's in a cage." Riza did her very best not to think about what that meant. This was all just a nightmare. But she realized that she must be strong. She would be defiant until the very end.

"The very end might not be far off. Once Roy has served his purpose I am as good as dead."

All the same, Riza had always carried herself with honorable intensity. She was determined not to lose that to some sicko. She realized that he seemed to be enjoying her pain much more than he enjoyed kissing her. Invading her body seemed to get him off. Riza knew that she had to be strong if she were to ever survive this encounter with her will intact. By the time the Fuhrer had her handcuffed to the bed, she had resolved to not be broken under any circumstances. This was not going to be Riza's first time anyway.

"My first time was when Havoc got me drunk in the stockroom when we were just newly recruited for the army," she reassured herself silently. The pain wasn't that bad. But maybe it was only because I was in a drunken haze." Clearing all the pessimistic thoughts from her head, she tried to steady herself for the coming onslaught. She could certainly deal with being used by the Fuhrer.

If only it had been that simple. Envy had decided that taking the form of the Fuhrer had not disturbed Riza enough. She had not caved under his more than subtle manipulation. His body flashed until it reassembled in the outward appearance of Maes Hughes. Riza's control collapsed into a pile at her feet. Before her stood the once noble figure of her best friend, the star intelligence agent and family man Maes. "You see, Miss Hawkeye (the "Miss" was forced out of his mouth, much like chewing tobacco is forced out of the mouths of cowboys) I feed off your pain and heartbreak. I am, one could say, envious of your happiness. I will enjoy stripping away all of your joy into little pieces." Riza's eyes were wide with shock and she was more than momentarily disoriented. Here stood the man who had helped her in her darkest hours. Of course it was a twisted imitation, for the look on his face was nothing like that which Maes wore during his life. Hughes laid down next to her on the king sized bed. He stroked her cheek and played with the long hair that cascaded down her shoulder. She didn't realize that her hair was undone until this moment, but it need not matter now. She shivered with fear, more at this than anything else that had happened so far. He traced her jawline in silence. She found this more disturbing than the harsh, jagged actions of the Fuhrer.

"Riza," the impersonator whispered softly. He softly kissed his way across her collarbone. She tried struggle but was disarmed by his chartreuse gaze. He stroked her back reassuringly, like a mother would to comfort her child. Riza tried to fight this unnatural feeling of calm. She knew that this was not her Maes, the Maes that lived to assist his friends and love his family. She tried to focus on his earlier statements about wanting to hurt her, but something deep inside told her it didn't matter anymore. Maybe it was his sudden death and unexplained murder that had left her with feelings of abandonment.

"Riza, I need you," Hughes moaned softly. She cared for Maes a great deal, but it was in the platonic way that didn't cross over like this. But this vulnerability, however false it might be, was slowly killing her heart. Envy sensed his advantage and moved in steadily. He gently kissed her on the lips. His soft hands stroked her upper back, slowly moving towards their goal, her bra's clasp. The clasp came undone and the bra fell gently to the floor. The imposter caressed her delicate breasts. Her breath caught in her throat. It had been so long since she had been touched like this. It would be so easy to stay like this forever, to fall under this blanket of security, as false as it might be. But something about the gentle pressure was troubling to her. His hands were freezing. Her blood turned to ice in an instant. This was sick. "Maes Hughes is dead! He's lying in his grave right now!" she yelled in torment. He had deceived her thus far, but his icy hands were all it took for her to realize the Maes's hands would be cold, in his coffin. And that she was handcuffed to a bed in the lair of the most insane of the homunculi. "Yes my dear, he is. And it was I that put him there. I killed Maes Hughes."


	3. The Angel from my Nightmares

Disclaimer: I'd be rich, powerful, and incredibly lucky if I owned Fullmetal Alchemist. I am none of these things so don't sue me.

Author's Note: Sorry this took so long, I was in Cinderella the musical (gag) and have been studying for my AP test and co-writing a play among other things. I promise to work hard and crank these out faster.

Riza felt like she had been plunged into an icy ocean. Her senses dulled considerably at the shock. She felt like she was at the bottom of a swimming pool, staring up at the unnatural waves of light, but too lost to reach them. She felt disoriented and vaguely surreal. Roy and his cohorts had long ago attributed the mysterious death of Maes to Isbalan rebels. No one had suspected that it was due to a homunculus. Riza felt disconnected somehow. Here she was in the arms of the murderer of her best friend. She was practically naked, emotionally rattled (to say the least), and at the mercy of a creature without a soul.

She was crippled (the sharp pain in her left leg was a testament to that), and Riza had no idea whether or not she was worth enough to the military to be rescued. After all, that had sent out extensive search parties looking for Edward Elric after he was reported missing. They all came back empty-handed. The military seems to have given up hope of finding him alive after eight months. "How long have I been missing? Maybe 12 hours or so. That means Roy has a limited amount of time to meet the ransom." Riza was certain that her mind was deftly avoiding the conflict at hand. Maybe a mechanism of self-preservation?

She was snapped back to reality when the fake Hughes slapped her across the face. He could tell that she was trying to escape the present. Violence was his way of forcing her ties to reality. The cold hand of Hughes' slid skillfully over her heart. She doubted she could have felt more terrified. The beat of her heart throbbed in her ears. "I shot him right here. The bullet pierced through his heart and that was the end. The end of Maes Hughes." Riza tried to steady her heartbeat. She tried to no avail to regain command over her body and mind. "You're very frightened Riza. I can feel your heart racing up against my hand. You know that in an instant I can pull it out of your chest. It wouldn't require effort. But I think your reactions, unwilling as they are, are alluring." Riza maintained silence; she was scared to even breathe outloud.

The imposter removed his hand from her heart and replaced it with his mouth. She could feel Maes's scraggly beard brushing against her chest. Without realizing it, Riza had begun to tear up. These drops fell silently and landed on the pretender's cheek. He stopped his kissing of her delicate skin to give her a smirk. "Riza, I do believe you have lost. You've lost your will and you've lost your way. You have fallen and I have won. It's fair to say that to the victor goes the spoils." Riza knew that it would come to this eventually. "Please," she whispered. It was a quiet appeal, much like rain falling onto a patch of meadow. That one word contained untapped purity and Envy reveled in it. He smiled down at her with reverence. She was like a clear piece of glass. When light hit her, she threw it back in all directions, but in the dark she had lost her reflective sparkle. She was uncommon for a mortal. Envy realized how he longed to experience her. He never had humans in that way, although it was physically possible for him to do so. Throwing the instructions of Dante aside, he decided that he would undertake the sensual experience.

EDITED for (don't you just hate that?) E-mail for the full section

When he was done, he climbed off Riza and sat at the foot of the bed to observe his handiwork. Riza's body was shaking, ever so slightly. Even though she was completely naked, he did not attribute this to the cold. Her shoulders, legs, and abdomen were covered with a cold sweat. She had gone completely pale. The bags under her eyes had darkened considerably. She looked jagged and uneven. She was no longer bound to the bed by any means, but she made no move to get up. Her left leg was at an odd angle. Envy figured that his ministrations on her body had injured the leg further. "Well, I guess that explains the screaming," Envy thought bitterly. He was slightly disappointed that her pain-filled screams were not because of him, but he figured that couldn't be helped. He was filled with disgust from her physical weakness. But then he noticed that both her arms were at her sides, and he could see the violent movements of her hands. This is what had attracted him to her in the first place. The pure strength that yielded to vulnerability was disarming. Looking at her from this perspective at the foot of the bed, he was entranced. Naked, there was an undeniable grace in the line from her cheek to her shoulder. It was a smooth and elegant curve. The line from her breasts down to her abdomen, Envy noticed, was also pleasing to the eye. Her right leg curved effortlessly as well. Visibly something looked off about the left leg. He became conscious of the fact that he hadn't prepared for Roy's arrival at the telephone booth and somehow instinctively knew that Roy would not rest until she was out of harm's way.

He finally switched his form from Roy and Riza's best friend to Roy Mustang himself. He was fully clothed after the transformation in the traditional military uniform. He crawled closer to Riza on the bed. She flinched. He laid himself on top of her and gave her an admiring kiss, full of appreciation and deceit. She didn't struggle or fight the kiss. But Envy could feel the quiver of her lips underneath his. He understood. He got up off the bed and sauntered toward the door. "I don't think I need to tell you what will happen if you're not in this room when I get back. You're just a hostage. I can easily find another one. Oh, and watch him for me. Make sure he doesn't do anything he'll regret." Envy disappeared from the doorway for about thirty seconds and came back holding someone or something by the throat. He threw this creature into the room and slammed the door shut. The creature whimpered as it laid face down on the stone floor. Slowly, it moved its head upward to look at Riza. Even through all the grime and dirt that was coating his body, Riza recognized the miserable wretch. Riza posed a question, almost too soft to be heard, "Edward?"


	4. Unbalanced

Disclaimer: FMA belongs not to me.

Thank you wonderful reviewers!

Back at military headquarters, Roy tried not to reveal his agitation. He was not in the healthiest state of mind. When Roy and his entourage had returned to Central, Roy threatened them, on pain of death, to conceal the whereabouts of Hawkeye. He knew from all his time working the massive bureaucracy that the ransom demands were ludicrous and that the military would never send a team after someone of such a low rank. She was not privy to state secrets. Besides, they would never risk losing Roy. But Riza meant countless things to him. He was determined to leave headquarters as soon as his schedule would allow (to maintain the illusion of normalcy) to negotiate with Envy.

He was overly aware of his desperate situation when Havoc rushed into his office in a flurry of aftershave and cigarette smoke. "I want to come with you Colonel!" Havoc barked. "I honestly don't know what you are talking about," Roy coolly declared. Havoc, for the first time Roy could ever remember, looked him straight in the eye with a defiant stare. "Don't insult my intelligence Mustang! You aren't the only person who cares about her!" Havoc yelled. Roy glowered and was not put off by this brave show of resolve from his subordinate. "Just because you had sex with her in a military stockroom more than ten years ago," Roy sneered, "does not mean you can concern yourself with her welfare!"

Havoc was incensed by this callous remark and lunged at Mustang. Mustang did not pull out his pyrotex gloves like he would have if he were faced with a true threat. Havoc was misguided at best and certainly Roy could put him in his place. After a flurry of punches and kicks had hit their respective targets over the course of five minutes, Armstrong had effectively ended the fight with his sparkle-induced strength. Mustang shook off the dust that had settled on his perpetually clean uniform. The crowd of spectators had finally cleared from his office, and he was relieved to have a moment to himself before putting his life in jeopardy.

The creature stopped its twitching at the sound of the word. It began moving its head erratically up and down, repeating, "Yes, Edward is my name," over and over again. Riza was shocked to find that her guess was indeed right. The grimy alchemist's hair had turned a grotesque brown, a testament to all the dirt in it. The bright honey colored eyes had turned darker and infinitely more dangerous. He was wearing filth-encrusted rags that scarcely covered his malnourished body. But Hawkeye had no doubt that this was Edward Elric. Edward shakily stood and Riza, for the first time realizing she was completely naked, wrapped the hunter green bedsheet around herself like a toga.

Edward stumbled over to where she was seated on the bed and touched her face. He stared and felt the lines on her face before starting to cry. 'You're not mother," Edward whimpered, "Where did she run off to? Al said she was pushing up daisies. I like daisies. I can't wait to see what daisies she is putting in the vase!" Edward began to giggle, and Riza realized what eight months in a place like this could do to someone's mind. She had survived less than a day without completely losing her reason. Riza stared down incredulously at the short boy and asked, "What has happened to you Edward? What did he do to you?" Edward stopped his rambling mid-sentence and replied, "Th…th…the palm tree man…he…he…he hurt me and…he made me…" Edward trailed off suddenly and began to violently cough and writhe with agony as if induced by someone Riza could not see. Riza strongly suspected that Edward's mind had become twisted and torn. He was a lost cause.

She petted the grease of his hair affectionately and it calmed him. He was quietly muttering something about rose petals and blood. Riza's motherly instincts kicked into high gear and she began to sing him a lullaby. It was a very simplistic song, but Riza had a lovely soft and clear singing voice. Edward drifted off to sleep on the bed and Riza felt herself grow drowsy and eventually fell asleep next to him.

Roy tapped his military-issued boot harshly against the red painted curb of the phone booth. He was anxious and very alert. No amount of caffeine could have stimulated him to this extent. He was nervously straightening his gloves when he felt a hand gently caress the back of his hair. He turned to see an almost exact replica of Maria Ross. The intentional giveaway was that the mole under her right eye was nowhere to be found. The fake Ross winked and motioned for him to let her into the phone booth. Roy hesitantly allowed this intrusion on his personal space. Envy slid into the booth and closed the door. Roy's neck and back ached from the tension of him being alert for an extended period of time. Ross stared up at him with interest. Roy realized how cramped the phone booth was with the door closed and shuddered a little bit. "So, does this mean that you've agreed to my conditions Mustang?" Ross smirked shamelessly.

"I am willing to negotiate to ensure the safe return of Lieutenant Hawkeye." Roy willed himself not to flinch at the obvious unease in his own voice. "I do not negotiate. You will either do exactly as I say or your lovely subordinate might just find herself in tiny little bite sized pieces," Envy snarled. She looked up at Roy for a response. Roy nodded unhappily. "As long as I get to see her and take her back alive and unharmed." "But there is one other condition for this agreement. I can take you to see her and guarantee her safety only if you kiss me." Roy's jaw dropped suddenly. The disgust was evident on his face. Ross chuckled a little bit and the smile never left her face. "It's do or die Mustang. If this really bothers you that much I can take a more appealing form." Envy shifted his amorphous body into the likeness of Riza.

Roy wavered for only a second before dipping Envy into a low and passionate kiss. Roy would do whatever it took to safe Riza. It was his fault that she was taken hostage. He would degrade himself in any way possible if it would right the wrong and save her. Fake Riza pried open Roy's mouth with her tongue. Roy played along, thinking that satisfying that sick bastard would help things along. But he was positively shocked when he felt a pill sliding down into his throat. Envy must have hidden it under his tongue and forced it there through the open mouth kiss. He tried in vain to cough the pill out, but Envy stroked his throat with her hand. Before Roy could use his extensive military training to force his stomach to pump, he fell to his knees, shakily. Envy smiled as Roy began convulsing. When he silently stopped twitching on the floor of the phone booth, he could make out a final sentence, "I never said she was unharmed," before he fell unconscious.


	5. Abyss

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA.

A/N: Sorry it took so long guys. I did a lot of things in the past months. Personal especially. I'm going to Anime Expo and going to see Funimation's special screening of the FMA movie! Vic Mignogna and Lauren Bailey are going to host focus panels. The director of the movie is also hosting a focus panel. But the biggest victory is that Travis Willingham is going to show up! He's the voice of Roy! ROY! You might to check out the new fic I wrote called Mark of Ruin. It's a ScarEd and I swear it's going to get updated as soon as humanly possible.

Riza woke to the gentle pressure of a hand pushing at her left arm. She moaned softly. Slowly she began to open her eyes, groggy from the long nap. When her eyes finally focused, she cried out. Roy Mustang, complete with military uniform, was staring up at her face. She nearly fell off the bed; she was so dazed. "Riza," Roy softly inquired, "Are you alright?" Riza shoved at the harsh blue of his shoulders with all her might. "Stop fucking with my head!" Riza screamed violently. She was livid with hysteria. "Please stop. Please. Don't do this. Don't take this shape. I'll do anything. Just don't."

Roy flinched. He was taken aback by her response. He had woken up a few minutes ago on a foreign marble floor. He had watched Fullmetal be pulled violently from Riza's side. Roy's ears could still faintly hear the cries of, "Mommy!" After that, Envy had pulled Edward out of his range of vision. He had heard a loud thud and then silence.

Words could not describe how happy he was to see the interminable Riza Hawkeye still alive. But when he woke her, she had frightened him. Her skin was colorless. Deep bruises marred the usual porcelain of her skin. In her sleep, the hunter green toga had gracefully fallen off of her shoulders. He had longed for the day that he might have the chance to see his attractive subordinate naked. But now…he wished that he hadn't. Her breasts had bruises that looked suspiciously like handprints. He could see dark discolorations where Envy had thrust her legs apart. Her left leg hung limp against the bed. Her current condition was nothing short of hellish.

Riza was quivering under his stare. She didn't think her heart could handle any more abuse. "Riza, I'm not here to hurt you. It's me, Roy. I've come to rescue you." Riza shook her head violently, and the rest of her body followed suit. She started sobbing and forcefully rocking in all directions, trying to scramble away from him. "Riza!" Riza stopped. It was a knee-jerk reaction to her superior officer's voice. Roy grabbed her head with both hands and forced her to look up at his face. Riza struggled in the stranglehold, clawing and biting like a rabid animal. "Riza look at me!" Riza continued to moan, "No!" until Roy had forced her to stare straight into his eyes. Immediately she composed herself and stared back in awe.

"I'm sorry Sir. I apologize. It was irresponsible of me to act in such a way." The formality had returned. She had transitioned from a savage animal to a military lieutenant in a matter of seconds. He was frightened at how quickly she had recovered her military training. It would be easy to fall back into the old habits and to call her Lieutenant Hawkeye. He could pretend to overlook her current condition, take her home, and go back to the way things were. But he realized he didn't want to. She needed him now more than ever.

"Riza, you look horrible." She stared up at him, slowly processing his words. He looked her straight in the eye and cringed. She was startled looked down in shame, as if her eyes had somehow wronged him. He tilted her chin upwards with his hand, gently. "I'm sorry. It's just… the look in your eyes. It's as if your spirit has drained away. It's…chilling."

Riza analyzed the black marble that lay under he bare feet. The jet color was flawless. There was not a crack, stain, or puddle. Riza wondered how many people this flooring had wasted away. How many innocent people had lost their lives on it? How many had lost something infinitely more precious? She could feel Roy's eyes on her, searching for answers to questions he was too scared to ask.

Riza, for the first time in as long as she'd been conscious, smiled. But the smile didn't reach her eyes, and she knew that. The tender look on Roy's face hit her with such force that she began to cry. Her tears were silent. Roy silently begged his eyes to let him look away, to let her hold onto the last shred of the dignity that she built her life on. But something inside of him wouldn't let him look away. She looked deep into his eyes, and for the first time left her body and mind vulnerable in front of Roy. The self-imposed rigidness of her body deserted her entirely. "It's gone Roy. I used to love you, with all that I had. It held all it could take. Now it's empty." Roy stared at her, disbelieving that this intimate confession of her feelings was actually occurring. "What happened Riza?" The sound of her response ran his blood cold and would continue to swirl within his head for many nights after.

"There's an abyss, inside my heart."


	6. Stab my Back

Disclaimer: I do not know Fullmetal Alchemist in any way, shape, or form.

Roy's core nearly split in two from the emotional declaration of Riza. It was so honest and heartbreaking that his spirit almost was laid to rest next to Riza's. Roy was strong; he knew that to be true. In the past, he was vulnerable and unprotected. Maes had protected him. Maes had healed the wounds from Isbal. Without Maes, he surely would have crumbled under his own guilt and eventually taken his own life. After Maes's death, he realized that he was still alive. And he knew that it was because of her.

(A/N: Sorry that this next part is a break in the fast-paced action of the story, but it has been floating around in my head for awhile. As an author, I had to answer questions that ran along the lines of, "If Roy loves Riza so much, why did it take this long for their feelings to be out in the open?" So this chapter is directly addressing the question. And trust me, it's fairly gratifying too.)

Roy remembered the first time that he ever saw Riza in more than a platonic light. It was about six years ago, at Roy's branch of Central military's notorious Christmas party. It had been a night to remember indeed. No one from Central had been shipped out to the war yet. Roy remembered the innocence; he had lived his early military career out in ignorance. The Christmas party was infamous for drunken debauchery, but it was also notable as a place for networking. Probably the best, in fact. Roy had had a few drinks, but he had made sure to remain only slightly buzzed. The dress code was dressy casual. Roy had worn his French blue dress shirt with black slacks. It was only 10pm but Roy and Maes had made the conscious choice to arrive early enough to maximize the amount of conversations and connections.

The party was held in a higher military officer's house. About fifty or sixty people attended that year. Roy had maneuvered himself so that he was fairly near the door. That way he could intercept important people before they found their way to the alcoholic beverages. It had been a good night for him so far. He wasn't expecting an event of mind-blowing repercussions to occur. He heard a knock at the door. Most people of significance had arrived before then, so he didn't turn around immediately. Maes had instinctively turned. As the door opened, he heard Maes gasp. But Maes wasn't the only one.

A shockwave ran through the crowd as none other than Riza Hawkeye walked into the party. She had a reputation for being extremely straight-laced and was obviously not a partying type of person. Yet here she stood in the doorway of one of the most rowdy parties of Central. Her long, straight hair was down, for once. She was wearing a dark purple v-neck sweater, but the material was thin and form fitting. She had on a black suede skirt that was just slightly longer than knee-length. And on her feet were elegant black flats. The gasp could partly be attributed to the shock value of "asexual" Hawkeye in casual clothes and partly to the shapely calves that peaked out from underneath her skirt. She was a knockout as far as Maes and everyone else could see.

Roy turned and felt that he had died and gone to heaven. He twisted towards Maes to see his full reaction, but it was so goddamn hard to stop looking at her! He saw a predatory look in Maes's eyes and was unsure of what that meant. Cain Fuery, an extremely low-ranking enlisted man, was the first to approach Riza. "Miss Hawkeye, you are looking very pretty tonight." Riza smiled slightly and replied, "Thank you Fuery." "May I get you a drink?" "Sure that would be great." Fuery almost could not believe his luck and he ran off in search of high-class liquor that might please a high-class lady. In his absence, Maes Hughes closed in. "Putting the stars to shame again, are we?" Roy wondered what Maes could possibly mean by "again" and decided to fully inquire about it later. "Maes, you know that you can't see the stars underneath the layer of smog that coats Central. You were born and raised in the city. You don't know what stars really look like." That she had called him Maes had not escaped Roy. The jealousy was already starting to bubble. "Ah Riza, a beautiful and high-class woman like yourself should learn to accept compliments."

The worst part was that Roy knew Maes was sober. He was certain of it. So why would he be flirting so shamelessly with Riza unless…unless…unless…Roy didn't want to draw any conclusions. "Riza smiled and bit her lower lip in an unintentionally seductive way. Roy was ten feet away and for the life of him could not stop staring. Fuery came back with Riza's drink. She thanked him and continued to chat with him and Maes. Roy couldn't stand it, so he wandered deeper into the party, determined to drink enough to forget the actions of his best friend.

It was then that Havoc, resolute in besting Roy at something, approached and challenged the restless Mustang to a drinking contest. Roy agreed and more than a few shots later defeated a passed out Havoc. Roy knew he could hold his liquor more so than most. It was energy inside his veins, raw and ready. Ready for what, Roy wondered. A woman, the liquor inside him decided.

Riza was more of an introvert. She had shaken off most of the men that had been following her and slobbering, like the military dogs they were. Some were very persistent, and she was forced to hide out in one of the many upstairs bedrooms. The previous occupants, a very drunk Maria Ross and a very lucky Denny Bloch, had vacated upon their discovery. Riza stared out at the fireplace, basking in the warm glow and nursing a glass of wine. She realized that she wanted to make enough money to install fireplaces in the bedrooms of her future houses.

Roy had searched all the nooks and krannys of the house, paying careful attention to all the spots that appeared out of the way. He knew she would be hiding somewhere private, possibly alone. She had no idea how enticing that was. Roy eventually found a bedroom off the beaten path and decided to check inside. She was standing in the firelight, smiling faintly about something. "You really do look amazing you know." He entered with the usual Mustang charm; so smooth that she never noticed the door close. It was always like that when he was seducing a woman. Riza acknowledged him with her eyes but continued to ignore him with her body. "Maes's compliment did you no justice. Stars are brilliant and bright but cold and distant." She still didn't look at him. He touched her arm and she realized how he had been closing in the space between them subtly. "Don't be cold and distant, Riza." He had never thought that a woman could be this beautiful. It was criminal in a way. He considered himself the epitome of masculine handsomeness. It was his youth and his pride that kept him in that line of thinking. He leaned in to her and kissed her, smoothly and softly. He was amazed at how warm she was. He broke the kiss and caressed her ear with his lips. She moaned softly. God, he loved that sound. "You're not a star," he whispered, "You're a blazing fire." He pulled her close and kissed her neck. The heat overwhelmed him. Her skin tasted like wine and wood, earthy and sharp. She was making such glorious noises and rubbing herself against him. Did she have any idea of what she did to him?

He eased her sweater over her head. She didn't mind in the slightest. His French blue dress shirt ended up next to it on the ground. They had relocated to the bed, for improved cushioning. Only through her could Roy feel the fire, coursing thorough his body. She was the wood and he ignited her. The firelight made her skin glow in the most surreal way. A goddess surely, far too stunning for this world. The ferocity of their kissing and groping made it clear that there was more to this situation than met the eye. Surely alcohol played a part, but it seemed that it was so much more than that.

The intensity did not die in their impassioned actions. Soon Roy was pushed against the headboard, shirtless and sweaty. Riza still had her bra and skirt on, and she was straddling Roy's hips, her elegant bare feet tucked beneath her thighs. She was in the process of unbuckling his pants and as he reached around to unclasp her bra when…

The door opened to reveal a very shocked Maes Hughes.

Maes easily recognized Riza's golden hair, but he still couldn't believe it when she turned her head towards him, alarmed. Maes had dreamed and wished for a long time that he would be the one Riza decided to break protocol for. That he'd be the one to love her and keep her warm at night. Well, he amended that he would kill the lucky bastard she was straddling. Or at least give him a beating he wouldn't forget. Her eyes said it all. Deep embarrassment mixed with more than lust. Unfathomable affection and devotion for this person. It was then that her mysterious man lifted his upper body off the bed. And he could see over Riza's almost bare back that the mystery man was in fact his best friend Roy Mustang. Roy Mustang, player extraordinaire.

Roy sat up just in time to see the hurt look on his best friend's face. Roy thought back to earlier. "Putting the stars to shame again, are we?" He had twisted those very words to seduce the very woman his friend had pursued. Roy knew he should have thought out why Maes chose to say those things to Riza. Maes wasn't innately flirtatious like Roy was. Maes chose his words and compliments carefully. A feeling of guilt overwhelmed Roy.

Maes got over the initial shock fairly quickly. Roy was always putting his own needs in front of other's. He shouldn't have been surprised. Maes, propelled by his own inner strength, looked Roy straight in the eyes and said, "Well I'll leave you to it then." In one look, Maes had communicated all of his pain, longing, and heartache. The door closed with a click. Riza looked unsure of what to do. Roy knew exactly what he had to do. He pushed Riza's shoulders backwards, and she took the hint and dismounted. He flew off the bed, determined to catch his friend. His shirt was put on swiftly, the buttons to be fastened when time permitted. He raced after Maes without a word or a look back at Riza.

Maes was two hallways down from the fateful bedroom, slumped over and leaning heavily against the wall. He refused to cry. He was in the military after all, and soldiers didn't ever cry. Even when they lost the woman they loved. Maes was certain that he loved Riza. She had first caught his eye the day she transferred to Roy's division, the previous winter. She was his kind of woman, strong, brave, and intelligent. To him, she didn't need to wear skimpy clothes to be noticed. Even in her everyday uniform, she lit up the room with her smile. He was angry because she would be just a notch for Roy. To score the Ice Queen would earn admiration from others. But Maes truly loved. That's why it hurt. He knew Roy could not possibly see the real Riza.

Roy found his friend in this state. Maes looked up, to reveal that he was indeed crying. Roy had never seen Maes cry, in all their years of best friendship. It was at that moment that Roy swore that as long as Maes was alive, he would never touch Hawkeye. She was untouchable in his mind from that moment on.

Of course, he saw Maes move on to Gracia. And for all his whining about Roy needing a wife, Hughes never suggested Hawkeye. Roy suspected he still had some feelings for her, even after the wedding. After Hughes died he certainly couldn't go after her then. That was the last thing on his mind. Despite all of that, she stayed steadfastly by his side, maybe not always understanding but there regardless.


	7. Impossible

Disclaimer: The Abyss Inside My Heart is mine. Unfortunately all the characters belong to Arakawa as they are part of Fullmetal Alchemist, and I do not own them.

Author's Note: The Abyss Inside My Heart podcast is coming up! Look forward to Chapter 6 being artistically read by the author and some very talented actors and actresses! As a reader, do you think that's a good idea? I'd love to hear your thoughts about that in the reviews, or you can e-mail me!

Roy looked intently at the tear-stained face of his most faithful lieutenant. After Hughes had died, it had been so hard, almost impossible to move on. But she had stayed like a beacon of light guiding him home from the horrors of his own mind. Hughes had protected him from his own innate desire of self-destruction. He was more than a friend; he was a conscience, a hero, and a savior. Hawkeye had saved him from the bullets of enemies many times, but he would never forget the time that she had rescued him from the mouth of his own gun. She had talked him down from the ultimate surrender. And yet here she was, vulnerable, bleeding, and begging for death. It was beyond distorted. All he wanted to do was hold her, yet she looked too fragile for even the slightest physical reassurance. His beautiful, tall, graceful, and commanding 2nd in command was reduced to shreds in his very arms.

Her head lay on his lap, between his hands, yet he could not even bring himself to caress her hair. He did not know what reaction to expect, and he was hesitant to provoke her unnecessarily. A loud sound filled the room. Roy had no idea what this meant until he saw a large of section of black wall slide to the side, almost like a glass door might. Roy's instinct was to grab Riza and run as fast as he possibly could through the door. He knew she was obviously too hurt to be moved in such a manner and that there was an obvious explanation to this opening, and sure enough Envy and Lust moved through the doorway, followed by a visibly sated Gluttony. He felt Riza's body tense and sensed the innate warning in that motion. Gluttony threw the door closed behind them with a slam. "So you've come to agree to our terms?" Lust inquired. Envy ran at them in a burst of speed and hooked his arms over her shoulders and under her armpits. He dragged her off the bed and across the dark stone floor in approximately three seconds. She had little time to react to the blunt trauma, and her leg looked deeply impacted. The horror on her face sent a shiver of emotion down Roy's spine. Envy held Riza steady and Lust gave her body an appraising look. Lust stroked Riza's collarbone delicately and pulled her hand away for a millisecond. She unsheathed one finger and rested its delicate blade next to Riza's neck. To her credit, Riza did not flinch. She seemed almost uncannily adjusted to this manhandling and the constant threats. "We do not negotiate, Mustang. You will agree to our terms and deliver or she will have to be…" Lust winced disgustedly at Riza's open body, "…disposed of. Envy, you know our orders. Did you have to enjoy her so thoroughly? She's a hostage, not an informant or a spy." Envy tilted his head to one side in amusement, "I found something endearing about her. Maybe it was the inner strength or the resistance. Or maybe…" his voice lowered an octave and his eyes met with Roy's urgently, "…it was the look of pain in her glassy eyes as I rode her to satisfaction or the screams of agony as I forced her body open to my intrusions. All I can say Lust is that Dante's incentives never quite speak to my twisted sense of pleasure as much as she does."

Roy met both their expectant gazes with as much assurance as he dared project. "Tell me what I need to do and I'll do it." Lust's questioning expression turned into a smirk, and she withdrew her claw from Hawkeye's already bruised and swollen neck. A tiny cut was left on Riza's neck, yielding a small drop of blood. Mustang watched Envy's eyes expectantly follow the miniscule drop down Riza's abused neck, down her chest, along her side…Roy averted his eyes and tried to retain focus on Lust. "A simple mission for an alchemist like you. Child's play in fact." Roy sighed a little; it obviously should not be difficult to achieve.

"I want you to bring me the head of Alphonse Elric."

Roy froze, more deer in the headlights than confident colonel. Even Riza had trouble digesting that information. "Why?" Roy sputtered out, "Why must it be me?" "Don't play coy with me, Mustang. Our informants told us all about your assistance to the Elrics. But if you insist on playing dumb, I will tell you. The Elrics, human and together at last in Amestris, developed a blueprint of a machine that could destroy a homunculus, given the right ammunition and circumstances." Both Roy and Riza gasped at the revelation. "I knew what they were inventing was important, I just didn't…" Lust cut him off. "They knew the significance of the plans and the value of the knowledge they possessed. They knew we would be after them as soon as we realized the implications of their plans, so they decided to reveal them on their own terms. The Elrics published the plans in an alchemy professional publication. The catch was that the plans were published in code. They knew scientific curiosity would drive the most brilliant alchemists to break the code and free humanity from the plague of homunculi. Alphonse Elric is the only living, breathing person on this earth that knows the key to the code. He coded them himself and never told Edward what it was. The Elrics knew that we, as homunculi, depend on the curiosity of alchemists to create more philosopher stones. They knew we could not kill every alchemist with the potential to break the code. We could only kill them. Their plan was for Alphonse to submit the code for publication the day he went into hiding." Mustang could feel the frustration in Lust's voice and sharp hand movements. "Who did they trust with hiding them? Who had enough connections to protect them for the rest of their lives? Who else but Edward's commanding officer? But when Ed went missing, you hid Al quickly, too quick for any of us to intercept. So quick that he did not have time to submit the codes. The only one on earth who knows the location of Alphonse is you. The only one on earth who knows the code is Alphonse. You have 7 days to bring us the head of Alphonse Elric. Should you fail, Miss Hawkeye will undoubtedly pay the price." Envy smiled and inclined his head to Mustang. "You must bring the head of Alphonse Elric to the basement of military headquarters by the stroke of midnight on Saturday. Happy hunting." Roy gathered his thoughts and nodded at Envy. Lust tilted her head in questioning, and Roy quickly stated, "I'll do it. Just let me say goodbye to her." Lust nodded and Roy straightened himself out and strode over to where Envy was clutching Riza. He leaned lower (which discomfited Envy) until he was level with Riza's ear. "I won't fail you," he said, with much more conviction than he actually felt. He turned to face her, and out of spontaneity laid a simple, yet passionate kiss on her mouth. She felt the promise of hope that rested within it and reciprocated trust. They broke away and stared into each other's eyes looking for strength. They would both need it in the days to come.

A/N: I know it's been forever but please tolerate my busy schedule! Over the next few days I am going to edit my other chapters, so look for a new, revamped, improved diction-ed piece. Also, Mark of Ruin with finally gain a Chapter 2. Stay tuned!


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